Before They Fall in Love With a College

The money conversation every family should have before building the college list

There is a moment I’ve seen happen more times than I wish it did.

A student visits a college.

And loves it.

Not likes it.

Loves it.

They can picture themselves walking across campus.

They’ve found the dorm they want.

They’ve followed the college on Instagram.

They’ve bought the sweatshirt.

They know where they’ll get coffee.

They may have even found a roommate.

Then the financial aid offer arrives.

And suddenly the family realizes:

We can’t afford this.

Now we’re no longer having a conversation about college costs.

We’re having a conversation about heartbreak.

And that’s why I believe one of the most important college conversations parents can have with their children needs to happen before the college list is built.

It’s the money conversation.

Not because money should determine everything.

But because pretending it doesn’t matter can create some incredibly difficult decisions later.

First, You Don’t Have to Have It All Figured Out

Let’s start here.

If you don’t have enough saved to pay for four years of college, you are in very good company.

Life happened.

There were mortgages.

Groceries.

Medical bills.

Other children.

Job changes.

Unexpected expenses.

Maybe you were trying to save for retirement.

Maybe you started saving for college and couldn’t keep it up.

Maybe you never started.

Maybe you’re looking at your 16-year-old right now thinking:

Wait. College is HOW MUCH?

You don’t need to feel embarrassed.

And you don’t need to pretend.

What you do need is information.

Because once you know the numbers, you can make a plan.

Start With One Question

Before talking about colleges, ask:

What can our family realistically afford each year?

Not:

What does college cost?

That’s a different question.

Ask:

What can WE afford?

Maybe you can contribute $5,000 a year.

Maybe $15,000.

Maybe $30,000.

Maybe you’ve saved enough to cover everything.

Maybe your student will need significant scholarships and financial aid.

There isn’t one correct number.

The important thing is knowing your number.

Your Child Deserves to Know the Ballpark

I don’t think teenagers need a complete tour of the family finances.

They don’t necessarily need to know your salary, mortgage balance or retirement account.

But they should understand the financial boundaries surrounding college.

Imagine two families.

In Family A, the parents say:

“Apply wherever you want. We’ll figure it out.”

The student gets into a college that will cost the family $55,000 per year.

Only then do the parents say:

“We can’t do that.”

In Family B, the parents say early:

“We can contribute about $20,000 a year toward college. We’re going to work together to find schools where scholarships and financial aid can bring the cost close to that.”

Same financial reality.

Completely different experience.

Clarity early can prevent conflict later.

The Sticker Price Is Only the Beginning

Here’s where college shopping gets confusing.

A university may publish a total annual cost that makes you want to lie down for a minute.

But that isn’t necessarily what your family will pay.

There are really two important numbers:

STICKER PRICE

The published cost of attendance.

This can include:

Tuition
Fees
Housing
Food
Books
Transportation
Personal expenses

Then there’s:

NET PRICE

What your family may actually pay after grants and scholarships.

And those numbers can be very different.

A $70,000 private college that offers your student significant merit aid could potentially cost less than a $35,000 college that offers very little.

That’s why I wouldn’t automatically eliminate a college based solely on the published price.

But I also wouldn’t assume:

“They’ll give us money.”

Run the numbers.

Meet Your New Friend: The Net Price Calculator

Before your teenager gets emotionally attached to a college, find the school’s Net Price Calculator.

Colleges participating in federal student-aid programs generally provide one.

You’ll enter information about your family finances and, depending on the calculator, possibly information about your student.

It will give you an estimate of what a student in circumstances similar to yours might pay.

It’s not a financial aid offer.

It’s an estimate.

But it can be incredibly useful.

Try it for several colleges.

You may discover that schools with similar sticker prices have dramatically different estimated costs for your family.

That is valuable information to have before application season.

Think in Four Years, Not One

This is one of the biggest mistakes I see families make.

They look at freshman year.

Let’s say College A will cost your family:

$32,000 this year.

That may feel manageable.

But college isn’t a one-year purchase.

Very roughly:

$32,000 × 4 = $128,000

And that’s before considering possible tuition increases, travel, extra semesters or other expenses.

Now compare that with another college costing your family $21,000 per year.

$21,000 × 4 = $84,000

That’s approximately a:

$44,000 decision.

Suddenly, the difference deserves a little more attention.

When you’re comparing colleges, don’t ask only:

“Can we make freshman year work?”

Ask:

“Can we reasonably sustain this for four years?”

Decide What You’re Willing to Borrow

This conversation matters enormously.

There is a big difference between:

“We can afford this.”

and:

“Someone will lend us enough money to pay for this.”

Those are not the same thing.

Before applications, parents should think about their own borrowing boundaries.

Are you willing to borrow for college?

If so, how much?

Would those payments interfere with retirement?

Would you still be paying college debt when you hoped to stop working?

And what will your student be expected to borrow?

There may be situations where borrowing makes sense.

But the decision should be intentional.

Not something a family discovers it has committed to after everyone is emotionally attached to a college.

Let Your Student See What Debt Actually Looks Like

“$30,000 in student loans” is an abstract number to most 17-year-olds.

Translate it into life.

What might the monthly payment look like?

How long might they be paying it?

What might their starting salary be?

Then add the other things their future paycheck may need to cover:

Rent.

Utilities.

Groceries.

A car.

Insurance.

Travel.

Graduate school.

Eventually, perhaps, a house.

Debt isn’t automatically bad.

But students should understand what they’re agreeing to.

A loan is borrowing money from your future paycheck.

That’s worth thinking about.

Talk About What the Student Will Contribute

Families handle this differently.

Some parents pay everything.

Some split expenses.

Some students pay for books and spending money.

Some are responsible for a portion of tuition.

Some work during the school year.

Some work summers.

Some focus heavily on scholarships.

There isn’t one right arrangement.

But expectations are much easier when everyone knows them in advance.

A student who knows:

“My parents will cover tuition and housing, but I’m responsible for my spending money”

can plan.

So can the student who knows:

“Our family can contribute $12,000 per year. Scholarships, work and other resources will need to help cover the rest.”

Clarity is useful.

Build a College List With Three Questions

When families evaluate a college, I like three simple questions:

1. CAN I GET IN?

Does the student’s academic profile make admission realistic?

2. DO I WANT TO GO?

Does the college actually fit the student?

Academics.

Size.

Location.

Campus environment.

Opportunities.

Career goals.

Personality.

3. CAN WE AFFORD IT?

Not theoretically.

Not if everything goes perfectly.

Not if we borrow whatever we’re offered.

Can this college reasonably work for our family?

A strong college list needs all three.

Don’t Forget Merit Money

One of the smartest things families can do is look for colleges where the student may be especially attractive academically or otherwise bring something the college values.

A student doesn’t necessarily want every college on the list to be a reach.

Sometimes the financial sweet spot is a college saying:

“We really want this student here.”

That can mean merit scholarships.

Look at colleges where your student’s grades, course rigor, scores if submitted, talents or accomplishments may position them well for institutional aid.

Prestige isn’t the only thing worth shopping for.

Leverage matters too.

And Please Don’t Forget Scholarships

Outside scholarships may not pay the entire college bill.

But they can absolutely matter.

$500.

$1,000.

$2,500.

$5,000.

Those awards can cover books, fees, a laptop, transportation, part of tuition or housing.

Or simply reduce the amount a family has to pull from savings or borrow.

And scholarships aren’t something I would save for the spring of senior year.

Students can begin much earlier.

Which brings us to something I wish more families knew:

You don’t have to figure out all of this by yourself.

Imagine Helps You Understand the Process. Red Kite Helps You Find the Money.

One reason we’ve built so many resources through Imagine Scholarships is because I’ve watched families try to piece all of this together from a hundred different places.

One website explains FAFSA.

Another talks about admissions.

Another lists scholarships.

Another explains student loans.

Another has a college checklist.

Pretty soon, you have 37 browser tabs open and aren’t entirely sure what you were looking for in the first place.

Imagine Scholarships is designed to help families understand the whole process.

Students and parents can find practical resources covering:

College admissions.

Scholarships.

Financial aid.

Financial literacy.

College planning.

Paying for college.

Life in college.

And many of the things families simply don’t know they need to know yet.

The goal isn’t for parents to become college-admissions experts.

It’s to give you a trusted place to come when you find yourself asking:

What should we be doing next?

Then There’s Red Kite

Through our partnership with Red Kite, students have access to an enormous pool of scholarship opportunities and tools designed to help match them with opportunities that fit.

And that’s important.

Because searching for scholarships shouldn’t mean scrolling through thousands of awards wondering:

Can I even apply for this?

A student can create a profile and begin identifying scholarship opportunities that make sense for them.

This is one area where I particularly love seeing the student take ownership.

Parents can encourage.

Parents can help gather financial information.

Parents can talk about the bigger college budget.

But the student can begin doing the work of:

Finding opportunities.

Reading requirements.

Tracking deadlines.

Writing essays.

Submitting applications.

And slowly building their own plan for helping pay for college.

That’s a pretty wonderful life skill too.

Paying for College Is Usually a Stack

Families sometimes hope they’ll find THE scholarship.

The enormous one.

The one that solves everything.

Those scholarships exist.

But that’s not how college funding works for most families.

Usually, it’s a stack.

Your family’s eventual college plan might look something like:

Family contribution

Merit scholarships from the college

Federal or state grants

Outside scholarships found through Red Kite

College credits earned inexpensively before enrollment

Student summer earnings

Employer tuition benefits

=

A much smaller amount left to pay.

That’s where this gets exciting.

Instead of asking:

“Where are we going to find $35,000?”

you start asking:

“How many different ways can we make that $35,000 smaller?”

That is a much more useful question.

Start Earlier Than You Think You Need To

Please don’t wait until April of senior year to start figuring out how you’re going to pay for college.

A freshman can start learning how college and scholarships work.

A sophomore can begin building a strong academic, activity and scholarship profile.

A junior can get serious about researching colleges, costs, scholarships and financial aid.

And a senior can enter application season with a family that already understands its financial boundaries.

That’s exactly how I hope families will use Imagine Scholarships and Red Kite.

Use Imagine to learn.

Use the tools and resources to plan.

Use Red Kite to look for money.

And keep having conversations as the numbers become clearer.

What If You Haven’t Saved Enough?

Then you get strategic.

That’s not failure.

It might mean:

Choosing a college offering significant merit aid.

Starting at community college.

Living at home.

Using dual credit and AP courses.

Earning inexpensive credits through CLEP or other programs your future college accepts.

Working for an employer that offers tuition assistance.

Applying consistently for scholarships.

Choosing an in-state option.

Working summers.

Graduating in three or three-and-a-half years if the degree plan allows it.

Or combining several of these.

There are many ways to earn an education.

The traditional four-year residential college experience is one way.

It isn’t the only successful way.

Be Careful With the Phrase “We’ll Figure It Out”

I understand why parents say it.

We love our children.

We want possibilities to feel open.

We don’t want money to be the reason they stop dreaming.

But sometimes:

“We’ll figure it out”

quietly becomes:

“We’ll borrow it.”

And four years later, everyone discovers what “figuring it out” actually cost.

I’d rather see a family say:

“Let’s figure this out together before you apply.”

That’s a very different promise.

Give Your Student a Budget, Not a Burden

There’s a way to talk about college money without making a teenager feel guilty.

Instead of:

“We can’t afford these schools.”

try:

“Here’s what we can comfortably contribute. Let’s see how many great options we can find that work within that.”

Now it becomes a problem you solve together.

Which colleges offer strong merit aid?

Where might the student qualify for scholarships?

What opportunities can we find through Red Kite?

Could dual credit reduce the number of full-price college credits?

Could an employer help pay tuition?

Would living at home for a year or two change everything?

Could community college create an inexpensive transfer path?

Is there another college offering a similar education for significantly less?

There are often more options than families realize.

One Final Thought

Parents naturally want to give their children every opportunity possible.

Sometimes that makes it very hard to say:

“This is what we can afford.”

But there is nothing unloving about protecting your family’s financial future.

You can love your child tremendously.

Believe in their dreams.

Celebrate their ambitions.

And still have a budget.

In fact, one of the greatest financial lessons we can give our children may be showing them how adults make big decisions.

We gather information.

We look at the numbers.

We consider the future.

We look for resources.

We make tradeoffs.

And then we choose what makes sense.

College should open doors for your child.

It shouldn’t quietly close financial doors for the entire family.

So before the campus tour becomes a sweatshirt…

before the sweatshirt becomes a dream…

and before the dream becomes a $200,000 decision…

talk about the money.

Then make a plan.

Use the resources available to you.

Search for every dollar you can find.

And remember that the goal isn’t simply to get your child into college.

It’s to help them find a great path—and a financially smart way to get there.

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